I am not a mom…

So this is the thing, I am not a mom. I have been with Ben for just under 9 months. His daughter is 7 years old and has more energy and wit than I know what to do with. At some point in this lifetime, I will bring life into this world, but for now, the fact that he chooses to share his daughter’s life with me is overwhelmingly awesome. He has chosen me not only to be his wife, his best friend, but the step-mom. Flattered doesn’t even touch what I feel.
Her mom is still in the picture. She and I have discussed that there will come a point that I may get told secrets purely because I am not her mom. This made me smile, and then I panicked! You mean I have to balance being a step PARENT and a friend. Yikes! I thought I was getting off easy. I get to be the fun, best friend! How am I going to be both?! I don’t know if you know this but as I type this, my palms are sweating.
While her dad and I have dated, I have been the math tutor on days. I have been the master of creative leftover dishes. I have gotten to talk about the importance of keeping her legs closed even though she put leggings on under the skirt (however, the ultimate conclusion, don’t wear skirts to the playground, bad, bad idea). I have helped her make Christmas presents for her entire family. I have filtered my sometimes sailor’s mouth and conversations. I have done this because the magic a child possesses is amazing and to get to absorb little bits of that is perfection. I have done this and never thought about being a step-parent, only a friend to a seven year old girl, who God willing will become an amazing woman with half the mistakes under her belt as Miss Whit.
I tell you all this because I came to Baton Rouge because I needed to start over, but I had a plan. That plan didn’t involve Ben. It didn’t involve falling in love with him. It certainly did not involve convincing a boy that I could be trusted with his child. It didn’t involve falling in love with this child. He, scratch that, they changed my plan.
I am not a mom. I am a girl who is trying to figure it all out,  I now find me creating pinterest boards for A little girl and the bathroom she and I will redo. I have found that my trips to Target now include “well-done” cards for the “A” on the report cards. I find that my purpose in this life is evolving. I have found that the career hunt has evolved to me thinking about this 7 year-old, and not just me and my dogs. I find that I now see my mom coming out in me and rejoice in that instead of cringe (sorry mom). I find that my life is changed.
I am not a mom, but this man and this little girl saw something a bit bigger than the girl that came to Baton Rouge, they saw a future and in August, the story that came before will end, and a new one will begin. I will become one man’s wife, one girls step-mom, and an official party of three.
paper rainbows…W
PS… Thank you so much to my friends, family, and random strangers that have read this page so consistently that you fuss at me when I don’t update. I always dreamed I would be a storyteller…it is you all that make my dream come true. You can follow the random life till August of we three kids on instagram #andruspartyof3

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