living in the red

Okay so I am in a point in my life that I am calling “limbo life.”  So here’s the deal, I have lived in this gray area of my life for a while.  Doing all the things I was supposed to do.  Don’t get me wrong, I caused trouble.  I stirred the pot.  I fought tooth and nail sometimes, as my LSU transcript shows.  I have also paid a heavy toll for this.  I have watched my life in the past decade be turned upside down.  Truth be told, I life this upside down limbo kind of life.  Point is, I graduated in a field I love.  I got a great job in a town I hated(Houston is poo….okay I am growing to miss Houston, don’t tell a soul!) I moved back to Louisiana to another great job.  I was beyond unfulfilled.  At 23-27 you are not supposed to be unfulfilled.  You are not supposed to ask yourself, “wow is that it?”  I firmly believe that you are not supposed to do that at any age, but hey, I was doing things right.  Staying neutral…

 In November, the 9-5 job ended.  In November, I moved. I started working a non-career job.  I have no real grasp on where things are going. I have no health benefits.  My job doesn’t offer a retirement plan or even paid vacation, much less a steady salary.  I don’t have plans.  I have no place that I really call home, except my mom’s kitchen at the bar, sitting on a stool, talking to her as she cooks, but I can’t live on a bar stool at my mom’s house, much less make a living doing it.  I guess November, December, January, and even most of February…I just kept waiting on the big flashing sign.  It would say, ” Whit, Go this way.  This way is full of excitement. This way is full of epic adventures. This way offers creative mojo.  This way will give you a lifetime of unending happiness and silver linings.”  I stopped waiting.  Yeah, I just started participating in the “limbo life.”

The “limbo life,” well it makes me laugh out loud all the time. The “limbo life” allows for minimal and unwasted tears. It is teaching me that there is excitement in uncertainty.  It forces me to be bold, to be RED.  The “limbo life” it inspires me to come around corners in a restaurant kitchen busting out new dance moves and singing random songs all because somewhere around table 53 I thought…”I need to bust a move!” These random spurts of dance moves make that moment completely unique. Unique to that moment. Unique to me.  Unique to this life, my life.  Dance moves like that are the reason that tonight when I came home and washed my face in the mirror, I looked at the girl looking back and she was a friend.  She was a friendly face I shared a belly laugh with for a good 5 minutes, after thinking of “rejecting bad energy” last night.   Point is, with all that has happened in the past decade–heck the past year or month–I am happy.  I am smiling. 

I don’t have a plan. I don’t have a strong grasp on any kind of stability.  I am not quite ready to make nice with this life…even though I have a sneaking suspicion that is just what I have done(life is tricky like that, it makes you fall in love with it when you are not looking).  I think I like the red–the “limbo life>”

Don’t fret…I know I can’t stay here forever, but I need to balance in the red with the gray in my life.  I need to remember that the girl in the mirror is a friend.  I need to remember that I love to send random mail.  I need to remember that I love to bust out in song, in dance, in laughter at times when the mood is just right and dang it I need it.  I had forgotten a lot of this.  With all this said, tomorrow, I am going to drop my resume off at a couple of places.  Tomorrow I am going to keep working on my new painting too.  Tomorrow I will go to my non-nine to five job.  Tomorrow I will ride my bike with my pooch in the basket up front.  Tomorrow I will call my best friend and schedule dinner. Tomorrow I am going to purchase a pair of jeans that are a size smaller(yipee!) cause mine are falling off. Tomorrow I will still be in limbo and enjoying it, but tomorrow, I will work on finding the balance.  Tomorrow I will breathe and put one foot in front of the other and laugh when I trip over my big toe.  Tomorrow I will belly laugh I am sure.  Tomorrow I will be inspi(red).

lifetimes of paper rainbows…W the red artichoke

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