(still subject)

still, adjective, -er, -est, noun, adverb, conjunction, verb

I am fascinated by the word STILL.  I guess no matter its use or meaning, I still find it such a peaceful word.  Out of the 19 definitions that dictionary.com provides for the word my favorite is numero 4.

4. free from turbulence or commotion; peaceful; tranquil; calm

I have the deepest desire to stand still in this lifetime.  For an indefinite period of time, but I would settle for a day an hour, even a minute.  I feel like in my desire to stand still I have caused more commotion than one little artichoke should ever cause.  None the less, I find myself still longing for well, stillness. 

I have a friend, RADISH. Radish is one of those people that can either add the crazy dance moves to a party or just be so matter of fact with life’s drama that you wonder why you were so worked up to begin with.  I try to be rational like Radish, but alas, nine times out of ten, I work just as I know, fueled on pure emotion. 

A gas tank full of pure emotion does one of two things in this life: it gets you right where you need to be taking the longest road possible, or nowhere fast.  None the less, it is a part of my personality that I can not seem to push down. I am the girl that laughs the loudest and cries the hardest.  I see things in gray and live life in the red. I have no balance.  If I see it in white–I want it in black.  If I am angry with something, I look to find a way to love it.  I approach everything as a design problem…it has to have a central underlying concept.  If I can not figure out this concept, I dwell, I obsess, I run it through my head so many times that I find myself stuck in a rain storm of emotions that lead me ultimately to throw my hand up in the air, turn up some Joe Strummer, and dance madly with one hand flying wildly in the air. 

I hit that point on Saturday…I hit that point all aiming for the goal of stillness.  I just wanted to stand STILL.

and thus the inner workings of my un-STILL brain.

Wishing you a lifetime of paper rainbows and smooth peanut butter…W

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