Expectations. It is human nature to have expectations. We expect the sun to come up everyday, because it does. Each morning we get up and find that we don’t have to turn the bedroom lights on. Sometimes, however, we walk into something that history has not proven, that is not habitual and still expect to know the outcome. I feel like I am talking in circles here.
Yesterday I went in the garage and painted for the first time in a long time. I figuratively removed people from my life. I mowed the grass. I felt inspired. I felt inspired by the fact that I was holding in my hands something that I could not define. Something that for the first time needed no expectations or introductions. Something that could just happen. I was holding my own book in my hands. I was reading the pages, desperately wanting to flip ahead and see what was going to happen next, knowing, that this time I could not. There is something amazing about that. Something that quiets the thoughts in my head. Something that, despite the crick in my neck, just allowed me to sleep last night with out pondering what I should say and how I should say it. Something that inspired me to do stuff, nothing inparticular, but just stuff, like paint, and mow, and pull apart flower arrangements that I got and make new ones. Just stuff. The TV stayed off and the thoughts were null and void. I just did. My point in all this is, life is easier when you expect nothing. Not to say that you don’t set goals, but just expect nothing and trust.
I am by nature an introspective person. I like to dissect why I do what I do. I have no brilliant answers. I find that others interpretations of my actions and relationships are much more exciting than mine, but none the less I was told this weekend for the umpteenth million time in my life that I have a wall. I really hope my wall has some awesome graffiti on it. My wall is expectation. I have built a wall brick by brick of expectations, failed or otherwise. Today, however, I will walk into this chapter of my life with none. I will expect nothing and hope for the best. I will read the story page by page and not skip to the end. I will promise not to make any promises.
On another note: I love the levee. The levee is reason 4millionsixtythreee that I moved back to Louisiana. When the sun sets on the levee…That is when you know with out a doubt that this world was created by the hand of God.